BeYOUtifully You

                Who am I? I ask myself that a lot. Am I sweet? Am I funny? Am I cool? Am I geeky? What is the real me? We live in a world that preaches self-love but does not want to make it easy to practice it. Be yourself, but if you want people to like you, be funnier and smile more. Love your body for what it is, but here is an article in a tabloid about which celebrity looks “bad” in a bikini at the beach. Embrace your beliefs and never be afraid to express yourself, but wait actually you’re expressing your beliefs too much and now you are annoying and preachy. So by these standards, there is no way for anyone to be able to do anything without being wrong.

                The truth is, we’re all kind of wrong. We live in a society where everyone is offended by everything. Did I offend you by saying that? Probably. There will always be someone who doesn’t agree with you or who doesn’t like you. You could be the kindest, most beautiful, most talented, smartest person out there, but there will always be someone who wants to cut you down or criticize you.

                Now, don’t get me wrong. There are things that are universally wrong. Is it wrong to harm someone? Yes. Is it wrong to target someone for their beliefs and seek to hurt them either physically or emotionally? Yes. Is it wrong to purposefully be mean to someone? Yes. There are many things that are wrong, that everyone should be against. We know what is morally right and wrong. There might be certain beliefs that are varying, but we know that if we cause harm to anyone, it is wrong.

                When I say we’re all kind of wrong, I’m talking about our expression of ourselves. One person’s preaching of the word of God might be looked upon as being preachy or condemning by someone else. Someone’s sexuality and pride in who they are might be seen as too in your face. Even things as simple as the way we dress are deemed controversial or odd by today’s standards. There will always be opposing opinions on everything. The thing we have to do is determine if what we are doing is making us happy and if so, does someone’s opinion of us matter more than our happiness?

                We should be proud of who we are. We should embrace every unique quality that we possess and realize that we are fortunate enough to have something that sets us apart from others. How boring would it be if we were all the same, if we all had the same interests, if we all thought the same thing? The world was built upon diversity and there is beauty in difference. Think of all of the wonderful variety in the world: the music, the flavors, the art, the fashion, the writing, and the list goes on and on and on. You have every right to like what you like, every right to love who you love, every right to express yourself as you wish, every right to be who you are. As long as you don’t hurt anyone in the process, do what makes you happy.

                You only get one life and you only get one chance to live it, so choose to live it as genuinely to yourself as possible. What fun is there in being like everyone else? You will not find true happiness unless you follow the path that was meant for you and that you created with your own unique palette. Be a wildflower in a field of weeds. Be 100% YOU!

            We've all seen the romantic movies that make it seem like the thing that will solve all of our problems is being in a relationship; From Andie in "Pretty in Pink" to Lucy in "50 First Dates". The characters seem to be awakened by this new romantic experience and life seems like it's headed in the right direction. Of course, no romantic comedy would be complete without a few road bumps but in the end, happiness and love always seem to win. I love romantic comedies, in fact, they are my favorite type of movie, but I feel that there is something missing in these movies that is very important to address. What happens to the people who haven't found that special someone?

            We've become accustomed to people dating, getting married, having kids, and so on. We even have a set time limit on when certain things should happen even if we don't think we do. The first kiss happens typically somewhere between 13 and 18. You start dating when you're a teenager and get married sometime in your late twenties-early thirties. There's even a time limit on sex. People aren't used to waiting to have sex and it's even become strange or "sad" according to society's standards after a certain age. We've seen it in countless films where young teens feel they have to have sex soon in order to fit in like in "Fast Times at Ridgemont High", "Easy A", "Sixteen Candles" and the list goes on and on and on. There's this rush that people are in to be in a relationship, to have kissed someone, to get married, to have sex. There's a lot of pressure on people to meet these standards and it can be really damaging to one's image of his or herself.

             Speaking as a hopeless romantic and as someone who is lacking in romantic experience, the pressure to find "the one" is constant. When you see your friends in happy relationships, and you see friends getting engaged, or pictures on Facebook or Instagram about a "man crush Monday" or "woman crush Wednesday" all of the time,  it gets to you. It's hard when you feel like you're the only one that doesn't get attention, when you're the one who doesn't have a date on a Friday night, when you're the only one who isn't in a relationship. You start to question what you are doing wrong. You think you need to change something about yourself to attract that special someone. You even start to question your value as a person because someone else has failed to see it. Here's the thing, all of the ideas that are roaming around in your head that are full of doubt and self hatred are wrong. The pressures that society puts on you are wrong. The standards that have been set are wrong.

               There is absolutely nothing wrong with being single. There is nothing wrong with being a virgin. There is nothing wrong with not having kissed someone.  Just because you aren't doing what everyone else is doing doesn't make you weird, or unworthy, or unloved. The truth is, it makes you You! Your life is happening on its own time, at its own pace, with its own beautiful details. You are not your friends, you are not the actors on the movie screen, you are YOU! The movies you see are MOVIES! They are scripted and are meant to overemphasize the ooey gooey hugs and kisses romance. Yes it's romantic and beautiful and something we want, but I can guarantee you if you asked all of the girls in the world if their significant other wrote them every day for a year, most of them would say no. Romance and relationships don't happen like what we see in the movies, so don't feel bad if you don't have Justin Timberlake choreographing a flash mob in Times Square to win you back. 

            There is no time limit or right way to romance. The people around you might be in relationships or they might be getting romantic attention. That's great for them, but they are not you. The only standard that you have to meet is that your partner treats you with respect. So, forget about what you've been told about romance and don't think you are unworthy of love. As cliche as it sounds, things happen when they are supposed to, and when they do, all of your doubts will seem completely irrelevant and foolish. This life is starring you.