How many times have you thought to yourself "I deserve this" or "I am such a good person"? How many times have you done something kind and boasted about it? How many times have you done something nice or something that would be seen as admirable, but made sure that people noticed so that you could receive praise or attention? First of all, you are not alone. I want to start this off by saying that none of us have perfect intentions or a completely selfless heart. It isn't in our nature. What I do want to say,is that we have a guide to show us how to have a selfless heart and He forgives us along the way when we don't quite get it right, which is more times than not.
I am going to lay it flat out there. My heart is broken, filled with sin and self interest. I am not the perfect example of a Christian by any means. I write this to you out of mutual brokenness and out of a desire to want to become better for Christ. I write this and it is freeing as I take a step closer to grace, a step closer to realizing I am imperfect, a step towards realizing how badly I need a perfect Savior. I am unworthy.
In this world we live in, there seems to be a common theme that contradicts all of what I have just said. In this world, it has become common for people to believe that we are responsible for our joy and the good things that come in our lives, that we are worthy of all good things, that we deserve praise and adoration when we do something right, that we should praise ourselves for our successes.
The problem with all of this is that by praising ourselves, we diminish everything God has done for us and make His works seem obsolete and insignificant. It is almost as if Jesus dying on the cross was just another event on the news that people forget in a week when the next tragedy happens. Stop right there. Go back, all the way back to the cross and imagine the masses of people shouting hate towards Christ begging for Him to die. Imagine being completely innocent, never doing wrong in your whole life, and having people who said they loved you, people who begged you to heal them, people who you gave nothing but love to, turn around and ask for your death. Now imagine during and after all of this, still wanting a relationship with those people and wanting those people to avoid any punishment. It sounds crazy right? I mean we can't even forgive someone when they talk about us behind our backs. How could we ever forgive people who begged for us to die?
That's the thing. We are incapable of a forgiveness like that, but Jesus, oh Jesus has done it for us. Not only has He forgiven us, but He has payed all of our debts, made us exempt from death, and asked for us to be in His kingdom with Him. Can you imagine killing the queen of England and then having her say "I forgive you, now come let me give you this amazing life full of the greatest things you have ever known and come live with me and be my friend and oh yeah, I love you so much and always will"? That would NEVER happen. Not only that, but the queen pails in comparison to Jesus. She doesn't even come close to how special and great He is.
So to bring it back full circle, how many of you would say that any of the nice things you have done could ever compare to what Jesus has done for us? I don't write this to discourage you or to say what you do doesn't matter, because your good works do matter, but I want to remind us all that no matter how much good we do, we still can never be as good as Christ. I write this not to make you feel bad about yourself, but to remind you that we are not the ones who deserve praise. Let us boast of our brokenness so that Jesus' perfection can be exhaulted. Let us remember how we could never offer such forgiveness so we don't forget how loved we are by Him. Let us never forget that the wages of sin are death, so we always remember that we are saved. Let us remember that He is worthy of His name
Sunday, September 17, 2017
Sunday, July 9, 2017
Fear Who?
Fear. An itty bitty word, just four letters, but somehow it carries so much weight. I mean let's look at other four letter words: barn, desk, cafe, fork, not really powerful words right? So what on earth is the deal with fear? Why does fear have the ability to render us speechless, to convince someone that they can't commit to marriage when they know in their heart they love someone, to stop us from standing up for what we believe in, to turn against the ones who love us? Well friends, unlike desk, cafe, fork, and barn, fear has the ability to sneak into our lives because there is someone directing it. There is someone who sees us and knows our potential, but doesn't want us to reach it.
In case you were wondering who the person driving fear is, it's Satan. Why would Satan want to make us afraid? So there is the wonderful being you may have heard of, His name is God. Well, God and Satan go way back and let's just say Satan is not a fan of God. Think of it like the Cubs vs the Sox. So, let's say God is team Cubs (He knows what's up) and Satan is the Sox (figures). Everyone loves the Cubs. They are all American, classic Chicago, wholesome, and just so lovable. Who wouldn't love the Cubs? The Sox see that the Cubs are getting so much love and get jealous, like really jealous and try to take the place of the Cubs. So the Sox start doing bad things to get attention because they figure any attention is better than no attention, and they spread lies about the Cubs because they want people to turn against the Cubs, and they get in peoples' heads and try to make themselves look all great and desirable, but end up being really bad in the end and leaving people sad and angry and empty. So, the Sox despise the Cubs now and will do whatever it takes to get people on their side, and the only thing they know how to do for those who are die hard Cubs fans, is to make them fearful and have doubt. I mean, I know we can all agree that during the Cubs' World Series battle, we were all really afraid of them losing. Anyway, fear leads to doubt, which leads to questioning, which leads to confusion, which distracts us from trusting that the Cubs (God) can really do it or that they have what it takes to make us happy, and that leads us to start looking somewhere else for happiness and purpose that we know only one team can provide. When a team doesn't have a good following, it loses it's power and influence, it can't make as many people as happy, and it can't do as much and that is what the Sox want.
Okay, take a breather. I know that was a lot to take in. Are you still with me? I sure hope so. Now that we have why Satan wants us to be fearful out of the way, let's look at how he sneaks fear into our hearts and how we can stop Him from doing so.
Let's start out with how he fills us with fear. Who knows what confusion feels like? I am raising my hand soooooo high that I think it might fall off. Confusion is a feeling that cannot and does not come from God. God brings only good things and one of those is peace and wisdom. If you feel confused, it is not because God is sending you mixed signals. It is because Satan went in and cut some of your cables so you can't see things clearly. When we can't see things clearly, we become afraid that we might do the wrong thing or that what we though we knew was true is all a lie. Another way Satan plays his sneaky fear game is by using doubt. Now if you are like me, you doubt a lot. I mainly doubt that things will work out for me or that I can do great things, but as we know "I can do all things through Christ who gives me great strength" (Philippians 4:13). Doubt is the enemy whispering lies in your ear and telling you that you'll never make it, that God doesn't love you, that you don't deserve happiness, that there isn't good in the world, and on and on and on. God brings encouragement. He is not going to make you question yourself, but rather let you know that you can do it, that you are capable of amazing things, that good things are out there. One more way that Satan fills us with fear is making us worry. We worry about what might happen if we get rejected. We worry about out us or our loved ones getting sick. We worry about people leaving us. Worry doesn't stop anything bad from happening, but it does stop you from enjoying yourself and being joyful in this very moment. What will come will come and you can only handle it when it comes. Unlike Satan, God is full of contentment. He wants us to be happy in this very moment and know that it will all be okay because He has a bigger plan than life on Earth.
Now, how do you stop yourself from letting fear take hold of you. One way is reminding yourself everyday of God's promises. When you are constantly reminded of something, it is hard to forget it and the more you remind yourself of God's promises, the more you will be able to remember it when Satan tries to attack. Another way, is to surround yourself with people who love and live for God. We will all be weak at some point, but if we surround ourselves with strong people, they can cover us when we need protection and we can do the same for them when they need protection. If you try to fight fear alone, you will leave with a lot more damage done than if you went in with a team. I mean look at the Avengers. Teamwork makes the dream work. One more way to remove fear from your life is to remind yourself of what happens after this life. We have a tendency to put all of our stock in life of Earth, when in reality, this is going to be gone quicker than we can imagine. That is not meant to sound sad, but rather joyful. There is soooooo much more joy awaiting us in Heaven and there is soooooo much pain on this planet. This life is just a little trip, but our home is in Heaven. We can't be traveling forever. We have to return home eventually, and home is full of joy and love. If we remind ourselves that Earth is not our home, we realize we don't have anything to lose because what we need is God and God can never be lost. We could lose all of our property, our money, our health, and so on, but we would still have all we need because we have God. When you have nothing to lose, you live with much less fear.
Fear is never going away in this world, but we don't have to let it run our lives. Remind yourself that God made you to be fearless. All you ever need is eternally safe and sound and always waiting for you and there for you when you need it. So what do you say? Are you going to live tucked away afraid of getting hurt, or are you going to be bold and fearless and live a life full of drive and joy?
In case you were wondering who the person driving fear is, it's Satan. Why would Satan want to make us afraid? So there is the wonderful being you may have heard of, His name is God. Well, God and Satan go way back and let's just say Satan is not a fan of God. Think of it like the Cubs vs the Sox. So, let's say God is team Cubs (He knows what's up) and Satan is the Sox (figures). Everyone loves the Cubs. They are all American, classic Chicago, wholesome, and just so lovable. Who wouldn't love the Cubs? The Sox see that the Cubs are getting so much love and get jealous, like really jealous and try to take the place of the Cubs. So the Sox start doing bad things to get attention because they figure any attention is better than no attention, and they spread lies about the Cubs because they want people to turn against the Cubs, and they get in peoples' heads and try to make themselves look all great and desirable, but end up being really bad in the end and leaving people sad and angry and empty. So, the Sox despise the Cubs now and will do whatever it takes to get people on their side, and the only thing they know how to do for those who are die hard Cubs fans, is to make them fearful and have doubt. I mean, I know we can all agree that during the Cubs' World Series battle, we were all really afraid of them losing. Anyway, fear leads to doubt, which leads to questioning, which leads to confusion, which distracts us from trusting that the Cubs (God) can really do it or that they have what it takes to make us happy, and that leads us to start looking somewhere else for happiness and purpose that we know only one team can provide. When a team doesn't have a good following, it loses it's power and influence, it can't make as many people as happy, and it can't do as much and that is what the Sox want.
Okay, take a breather. I know that was a lot to take in. Are you still with me? I sure hope so. Now that we have why Satan wants us to be fearful out of the way, let's look at how he sneaks fear into our hearts and how we can stop Him from doing so.
Let's start out with how he fills us with fear. Who knows what confusion feels like? I am raising my hand soooooo high that I think it might fall off. Confusion is a feeling that cannot and does not come from God. God brings only good things and one of those is peace and wisdom. If you feel confused, it is not because God is sending you mixed signals. It is because Satan went in and cut some of your cables so you can't see things clearly. When we can't see things clearly, we become afraid that we might do the wrong thing or that what we though we knew was true is all a lie. Another way Satan plays his sneaky fear game is by using doubt. Now if you are like me, you doubt a lot. I mainly doubt that things will work out for me or that I can do great things, but as we know "I can do all things through Christ who gives me great strength" (Philippians 4:13). Doubt is the enemy whispering lies in your ear and telling you that you'll never make it, that God doesn't love you, that you don't deserve happiness, that there isn't good in the world, and on and on and on. God brings encouragement. He is not going to make you question yourself, but rather let you know that you can do it, that you are capable of amazing things, that good things are out there. One more way that Satan fills us with fear is making us worry. We worry about what might happen if we get rejected. We worry about out us or our loved ones getting sick. We worry about people leaving us. Worry doesn't stop anything bad from happening, but it does stop you from enjoying yourself and being joyful in this very moment. What will come will come and you can only handle it when it comes. Unlike Satan, God is full of contentment. He wants us to be happy in this very moment and know that it will all be okay because He has a bigger plan than life on Earth.
Now, how do you stop yourself from letting fear take hold of you. One way is reminding yourself everyday of God's promises. When you are constantly reminded of something, it is hard to forget it and the more you remind yourself of God's promises, the more you will be able to remember it when Satan tries to attack. Another way, is to surround yourself with people who love and live for God. We will all be weak at some point, but if we surround ourselves with strong people, they can cover us when we need protection and we can do the same for them when they need protection. If you try to fight fear alone, you will leave with a lot more damage done than if you went in with a team. I mean look at the Avengers. Teamwork makes the dream work. One more way to remove fear from your life is to remind yourself of what happens after this life. We have a tendency to put all of our stock in life of Earth, when in reality, this is going to be gone quicker than we can imagine. That is not meant to sound sad, but rather joyful. There is soooooo much more joy awaiting us in Heaven and there is soooooo much pain on this planet. This life is just a little trip, but our home is in Heaven. We can't be traveling forever. We have to return home eventually, and home is full of joy and love. If we remind ourselves that Earth is not our home, we realize we don't have anything to lose because what we need is God and God can never be lost. We could lose all of our property, our money, our health, and so on, but we would still have all we need because we have God. When you have nothing to lose, you live with much less fear.
Fear is never going away in this world, but we don't have to let it run our lives. Remind yourself that God made you to be fearless. All you ever need is eternally safe and sound and always waiting for you and there for you when you need it. So what do you say? Are you going to live tucked away afraid of getting hurt, or are you going to be bold and fearless and live a life full of drive and joy?
Thursday, October 27, 2016
You Don't Matter
You don't matter. You're not important. No one cares about you. You're all alone. There is something wrong with you. You don't belong. You hear these words and they grab hold of your soul, your mind your heart. You try and brush them off thinking of all of the times you've heard that peoples' opinions don't matter. It happens again. You hear these words, but this time they're coming from within. You feel that doubt, that fear, that heart ache. You start to give strength to the words and eventually the words that once were sticks and stones become glue and attach themselves to every bit of you. Every day you believe the words more and more as they grow from a whisper to a loud roar.
You go on with your life now consumed with those words, but it doesn't stop there. You feel that brokenness and that hurt and the only way to heal is to realize you are not the only one who is broken, so you break others. You take those words that shattered every piece of you, that pierced through your heart and left you as you are, and use them as stones to throw. But it's okay though right? It's okay because now you're not the only one who is hurting. Now you have the power because someone else has weakness. You have become what hurt you so now you feel invincible, but you're not. You are still broken. You are still hurting. You are still weak. The only thing that has changed is that now someone else has to feel that pain and insignificance that plagued you.
It pains my heart deep to the core to know that there are people, beautiful souls created by our King, that truly believe that they are insignificant, that they have no purpose, that they are not loved. It pains me to know that in this world, there is a young boy who is being picked on for not being masculine enough, for loving another boy, being told that his feelings and who he loves justifies him feeling like he is a mistake. It pains me to know that there is a black woman doing everything she can to provide a good life for her children and for herself, but she has to be told every day that because her skin color is "different", she doesn't deserve to be happy, to live in security and peace, she doesn't get to be treated like a human being because she looks different. My heart breaks knowing that there are doctors who will encourage women to get an abortion if their children show signs of disability while they are in the womb. Somehow, they believe that someone with a disability is not worthy of being brought into this world.
Enough is enough. Enough lies, enough evil, enough hate. It needs to stop. Every single person on this planet deserves to feel love, joy, peace, deserves to feel like they are important, that they have a purpose. God created each and every one of us. He created each person with a purpose and loved and always will love each and every person with all of His heart. He did not create us just to create us. We are living and breathing because He wants us. We are His children and like any good and loving parent, He wants His children to know how special they are, how much He loves them, how needed they are. No parent brings a child into this earth with the belief that they want that child to never encounter love, that they don't want their child to do amazing things, that they want their child to have less than anyone else. Friends, please know that when God created you, He wanted nothing less than THE BEST for you.
It is our job to love one another. We all come from the Father. We are all His children and that means that we are all family. No matter our differences, we are all brothers and sisters and brothers and sisters are meant to support, lift up, and love one another. The word tells us in 1 John 4:7-8 "Beloved, let us love one another, for love is from God, and whoever loves has been born of God and knows God. Anyone who does not love does not know God, because God is love." Do you hear that? If we are not living in love, we are not living with God, and by that we are denying our own Father.
How long is it going to take for people to realize that they have no right to make someone feel less than loved? How long is it going to take for people to realize that their words have unbelievable power, that their actions create a chain reaction? How long is it going to take? You have power to make a difference, but what kind of a difference are you going to make? Will you use your broken pieces as stones to break someone else, or will you use your broken pieces as a shield to protect someone else from being hit and broken by those stones?
You go on with your life now consumed with those words, but it doesn't stop there. You feel that brokenness and that hurt and the only way to heal is to realize you are not the only one who is broken, so you break others. You take those words that shattered every piece of you, that pierced through your heart and left you as you are, and use them as stones to throw. But it's okay though right? It's okay because now you're not the only one who is hurting. Now you have the power because someone else has weakness. You have become what hurt you so now you feel invincible, but you're not. You are still broken. You are still hurting. You are still weak. The only thing that has changed is that now someone else has to feel that pain and insignificance that plagued you.
It pains my heart deep to the core to know that there are people, beautiful souls created by our King, that truly believe that they are insignificant, that they have no purpose, that they are not loved. It pains me to know that in this world, there is a young boy who is being picked on for not being masculine enough, for loving another boy, being told that his feelings and who he loves justifies him feeling like he is a mistake. It pains me to know that there is a black woman doing everything she can to provide a good life for her children and for herself, but she has to be told every day that because her skin color is "different", she doesn't deserve to be happy, to live in security and peace, she doesn't get to be treated like a human being because she looks different. My heart breaks knowing that there are doctors who will encourage women to get an abortion if their children show signs of disability while they are in the womb. Somehow, they believe that someone with a disability is not worthy of being brought into this world.
Enough is enough. Enough lies, enough evil, enough hate. It needs to stop. Every single person on this planet deserves to feel love, joy, peace, deserves to feel like they are important, that they have a purpose. God created each and every one of us. He created each person with a purpose and loved and always will love each and every person with all of His heart. He did not create us just to create us. We are living and breathing because He wants us. We are His children and like any good and loving parent, He wants His children to know how special they are, how much He loves them, how needed they are. No parent brings a child into this earth with the belief that they want that child to never encounter love, that they don't want their child to do amazing things, that they want their child to have less than anyone else. Friends, please know that when God created you, He wanted nothing less than THE BEST for you.
It is our job to love one another. We all come from the Father. We are all His children and that means that we are all family. No matter our differences, we are all brothers and sisters and brothers and sisters are meant to support, lift up, and love one another. The word tells us in 1 John 4:7-8 "Beloved, let us love one another, for love is from God, and whoever loves has been born of God and knows God. Anyone who does not love does not know God, because God is love." Do you hear that? If we are not living in love, we are not living with God, and by that we are denying our own Father.
How long is it going to take for people to realize that they have no right to make someone feel less than loved? How long is it going to take for people to realize that their words have unbelievable power, that their actions create a chain reaction? How long is it going to take? You have power to make a difference, but what kind of a difference are you going to make? Will you use your broken pieces as stones to break someone else, or will you use your broken pieces as a shield to protect someone else from being hit and broken by those stones?
Tuesday, September 6, 2016
Give Me Your Eyes
As humans, it is in our nature to be consumed with what goes on in our lives. Whether it be finances, social status, our appearance, love life, or something else, we have a tendency to not be able to see beyond the ins and outs, the ups and downs of our personal existence.
I know how easy it is to have such narrow vision. Life demands a lot from us and it isn't easy to look outside of those demands. We have meetings, doctors appointments, work, errands, family time, and so on, not to mention what goes on outside of the planner. In our lives, we deal with stress, anxiety, depression for some, fights with family or friends, sickness, loss, financial worries, and more. Add it all up and it seems impossible to be able to help anyone else because we can barely help ourselves.
There are so many people in this world who are in need. Whether is be physically, mentally, financially, or spiritually, there is always someone who needs a helping hand, and many of them are right under our nose. It doesn't take much to find someone in need; we just need to take off the horse blinders, pull out the earplugs, and open our senses.
Friends, helping someone can be so simple. Ask people how they are and really listen. Don't assume that the people who have a smile on their face are always happy. Dig a little deeper. It can also be something as simple as recognizing your privilege. Look at what you have that others don't. Take a minute to see what God has provided for you and use your privilege and or blessings to help those who are lacking in that area.
Do you have a good education? Maybe you can help volunteer as a tutor for someone. Do you have a roof over your head and food on your plate? You can help provide for the homeless by donating food, money, or time to help people living in poverty find some security. Do you have a lot of friends? Reach out to that person you know who doesn't have that many friends or who gets bullied and make them feel special and loved. The possibilities are endless.
We are blessed in more ways than we realize and there are so many ways that we can make a positive impact on the world and on peoples' lives. Whether you are a follower of Christ or not, you CAN make a difference. All it takes is an appreciation for what we have and the understanding that we are on this earth to help and support each other, not to stand alone. How will you help today?
Monday, August 15, 2016
Embracing Anxiety
Embracing anxiety. That seems like something we shouldn't do. I can remember all of the times I have battled with anxiety and never once did I think that putting more emphasis on what I was worrying about would solve my problems. I remember that sometimes the fear of certain things would be so overwhelming that I didn't think I would be able to escape that moment.
Anxiety is kind of a hush hush topic. Nobody likes to dive deep into their mental and air it out in front of others. I totally get that. It is a topic that is very personal to each and every one of us. The thing that I want people to remember is that it is more common than not to face anxiety. Although people may not talk about what they deal with, it doesn't mean they don't deal with something. You are not alone in your battle.
His name is Doctor Henry Cloud and he is an author and clinical psychologist. He said something so profound and simple about coping with our stresses that it took me aback. So many of us panic and run from what is causing all of our anxiety and little do we know, that actually makes the situation much worse. We are running away instead of facing our trigger. We can run away, but our trigger will still remain. It is not until we confront it, that it leaves.
When anxiety arises, don't run from it. Don't flinch. Don't squirm. Doctor Cloud's solution? Just sit there and really feel what you are feeling. Be there and feel the fear and the panic and let the feelings truly just wash over you. The thing that causes us fear is fear its self. When we sit there with our fears while we face our trigger, we will see that things aren't as bad as we painted them out to be. We have a tendency to build things up into this outrageously traumatizing ideal when in reality, it is much smaller of an ordeal and something we needn't be afraid of. Whether it be a nervous habit we have, an upcoming test, an undesirable discussion, a phobia, or whatever it may be, when we let go and just be with our feelings when the anxiety arises, we will soon see that it wasn't as bad as we made it out to be. The fear will pass and you will be set free. Embrace the anxiety. Don't run from it. Be with it, and you will see that you are bigger than your worries.
Sunday, August 14, 2016
Why It's Time to Say No
By: Rachael Stewart
How many of you have seen the movie "Yes Man"? If you haven't, the whole idea of the movie is that the main character says no to everything and is missing out on life and soon he finds himself having to say yes to everything. At first, his life becomes incredibly better, but soon he finds that this yes lifestyle is hard to keep up with and doesn't always bring a happy life.
So many of us think that if we say yes to everything, that means we are not letting opportunities pass us by and we are grabbing the bull by the horns. I can say this confidently, because I have been there myself. In fact, I still am there. I know what it is like to feel like you always have to say yes for fear of missing out, fear of disappointing, fear of judgment, and so many other reasons. I was and still am what some people would call a "pushover".
Have you ever been called a pushover? If you are like me, you get called that all the time. When someone calls me that at first, it stings and makes me frustrated because I want to proudly say that I am not a pushover. I want to believe I can stand up for myself and believe I am independent, but the more I think about it, the more I realize it is true, and the more I realize it needs to change.
I am what many would call a people pleaser. My every move is to make others happy or to make myself likeable or desirable. I don't like the feeling of being disliked or being considered disagreeable, so I do everything I can to avoid any confrontation or upset. I am a yes man. I know many of you are yes men as well. Telling someone no causes you so much anxiety, unneeded stress, and worry. When people say "just say no", it makes no sense how they act like it is such a simple thing to do. The thing is, although we feel this fear when we have to say no, it really is a simple thing, and it is something that we need to learn how to do.
The word no has been given such a negative connotation. No is rejection. No is denial. No is the end of possibility. No doesn't have to mean those things. I believe no could be a game changer, a freedom bringer, a door opener. No is good and we need it.
I see so many people, including myself, take on so many tasks, trying to please everyone. The responsibilities they have taken on eventually become so overwhelming that in the end, they can't please anyone because they can't give the time and effort needed for each task. If we stop trying to play superman and start saying no when the workload is too much, we can avoid so much unnecessary struggle and frustration.
Maybe it isn't a task, but a person. Maybe there is that friend, or significant other, or parent who is controlling, or draining, or leading you down the wrong path. We are so caught up in their approval, company, or happiness that when they are doing things that hurt us, we let it continue because we feel we need them or that if we tell them no, they won't love us anymore. Friends, that is the worst thing we can do. In this situation, no is power and no is freedom. When we learn how to say no to those who are hurting us, we gain our lives back and we take a stand for our well being and happiness. It is not selfish to look out for your well being, it is necessary.
Finally, we live in a world that preaches acceptance, but doesn't always practice it. The world will tell us we are not good enough and that we need to change. It will tell us that we are not loved and that we need to fit a perfect mold to be loved. Friends, you are beautiful and loved as you are. Embrace your diversity and the great things you bring, and tell the world no. Tell the world that you will not listen to it anymore and that your worth does not come from its acceptance or approval.
No is good. No is freeing. No is necessary. We need to learn to embrace no and use it to help us grow and to help us live the life that we want, not the life that others want us to live.
How many of you have seen the movie "Yes Man"? If you haven't, the whole idea of the movie is that the main character says no to everything and is missing out on life and soon he finds himself having to say yes to everything. At first, his life becomes incredibly better, but soon he finds that this yes lifestyle is hard to keep up with and doesn't always bring a happy life.
So many of us think that if we say yes to everything, that means we are not letting opportunities pass us by and we are grabbing the bull by the horns. I can say this confidently, because I have been there myself. In fact, I still am there. I know what it is like to feel like you always have to say yes for fear of missing out, fear of disappointing, fear of judgment, and so many other reasons. I was and still am what some people would call a "pushover".
Have you ever been called a pushover? If you are like me, you get called that all the time. When someone calls me that at first, it stings and makes me frustrated because I want to proudly say that I am not a pushover. I want to believe I can stand up for myself and believe I am independent, but the more I think about it, the more I realize it is true, and the more I realize it needs to change.
I am what many would call a people pleaser. My every move is to make others happy or to make myself likeable or desirable. I don't like the feeling of being disliked or being considered disagreeable, so I do everything I can to avoid any confrontation or upset. I am a yes man. I know many of you are yes men as well. Telling someone no causes you so much anxiety, unneeded stress, and worry. When people say "just say no", it makes no sense how they act like it is such a simple thing to do. The thing is, although we feel this fear when we have to say no, it really is a simple thing, and it is something that we need to learn how to do.
The word no has been given such a negative connotation. No is rejection. No is denial. No is the end of possibility. No doesn't have to mean those things. I believe no could be a game changer, a freedom bringer, a door opener. No is good and we need it. I see so many people, including myself, take on so many tasks, trying to please everyone. The responsibilities they have taken on eventually become so overwhelming that in the end, they can't please anyone because they can't give the time and effort needed for each task. If we stop trying to play superman and start saying no when the workload is too much, we can avoid so much unnecessary struggle and frustration.
Maybe it isn't a task, but a person. Maybe there is that friend, or significant other, or parent who is controlling, or draining, or leading you down the wrong path. We are so caught up in their approval, company, or happiness that when they are doing things that hurt us, we let it continue because we feel we need them or that if we tell them no, they won't love us anymore. Friends, that is the worst thing we can do. In this situation, no is power and no is freedom. When we learn how to say no to those who are hurting us, we gain our lives back and we take a stand for our well being and happiness. It is not selfish to look out for your well being, it is necessary.
Finally, we live in a world that preaches acceptance, but doesn't always practice it. The world will tell us we are not good enough and that we need to change. It will tell us that we are not loved and that we need to fit a perfect mold to be loved. Friends, you are beautiful and loved as you are. Embrace your diversity and the great things you bring, and tell the world no. Tell the world that you will not listen to it anymore and that your worth does not come from its acceptance or approval.
No is good. No is freeing. No is necessary. We need to learn to embrace no and use it to help us grow and to help us live the life that we want, not the life that others want us to live.
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| Photography referencing:
Photography by Matthias Witteman
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Friday, July 22, 2016
Stick in the Mud
How many of you have looked at your life and felt like there is no life in it? How many of you
have wanted to do something so badly, but were too afraid of what people thought, to do it? Hey, you are not alone. If someone asked me this, I would have alarms going off with flashing lights because it is so true and there is no way I can deny it.
I think if we all asked ourselves when we started to lose the freedom from judgment and gained the burden of "reality", it would be when we first thought we had to become an adult. Allow me to explain this. When we were children we were free of worry, we were bold, we didn't care what anyone thought because we didn't have to. We weren't trying to impress an employer, a boy or girl, friends, or anyone else. As a child, our hearts and intentions were pure and we were the truest form of ourselves because we had no limits. They say when a child says something, you know it is true because children don't lie and that goes not only for what they say but how they live their lives. They are true to themselves and don't put on masks to be someone else. I believe that once we got to the age where peoples' opinions began to hold power over us, we began losing our freedom, our ability to be real, and the possibility of being so purely immersed in the moments that make up our lives.
Life is way too short to spend running from task to task, from stress to stress. Every day we wake up is a gift. We are not meant to waste our gift poisoning it with all of the worries of the world, but rather to fill it up with joy and laughter and love. Lovely people, life is about spontaneity and adventure. Life is about living the best that YOU can and not being concerned about what someone thinks of you, but rather loving every moment and encouraging one another to do the same. Life is meant to be enjoyed and to be LIVED.
There is so much beauty and joy in this world that we can encounter and feel if we truly start living. Once we put our guard down and open our eyes to the world in front of us, we can see all of the things we have been missing out on and what we need to explore. Friends, let go and let loose. Dance like no one is watching. Wake up to watch the sunrise and take a moment to watch the sunset. Turn off the tv and go outside to see the stars shining in the sky or to feel the cool breeze zipping through the trees. Do something you have always wanted to but were too afraid to try. Be bold and go talk to that guy or girl. Drive with the windows down and music blasting. Swing on the swing set and close your eyes and feel like you are soaring through the air. Your stresses will always be there, but your life won't. You can't gain a single day back, but you can make the most out of the ones you have left. Choose to live your life to the fullest and to live without boundaries. Choose to truly live. When you reach the end of your years, are you going to wish you had spent more time working, making money, and making people like you, or are you going to wish you had tried more things, gone more places, been more bold, and dreamt bigger and chased more dreams? The choice is yours, but now you have to ask yourself: What kind of life do I want to live?
Photography referencing:
Photography by Matthias Witteman
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